In Sex With Friends I talk to acquaintances old, new and virtual about the most interesting aspects of their sex lives. Today I’m talking to Marlou, who once got a butt plug lodged in her ass, and had to go to hospital to get it removed.
Shadow: Can you describe the plug in question?
Marlou: It was a pretty standard one, I guess? Like, it was powder blue and not absolutely huge. Shaped a bit like a pear with a narrow neck and a ring on the base so you could keep hold of it. I’d used it dozens of times with no issue whatsoever. I used to masturbate and fuck myself in the ass with it at the same time because I get a more intense orgasm that way, but this time it was with a guy (his name was Ian) I’d been dating for maybe a couple of months.
Shadow: So what went wrong? How did it actually get… lost?
Marlou: We’re not entirely sure. We’d finished having sex, and he was fingering me, and pushing the plug in and out of me at the same time. It was fun, loud, messy sex. Lube everywhere. And when I came I felt my ass squeezing down on it, and then I kind of lost track of things for a while. Ian held me while I was coming and let me calm down a bit before saying something like, “I think we might have a problem.”
Shadow: So, I guess you probably tried to get it out first of all?
Marlou: First of all I actually just laughed. It was funny. Absurd funny. It was the kind of thing that happened to other people, not to me. And I guess in a way it should have been embarrassing, but it wasn’t. Just the idea of my ass sucking up the plug while I came was amusing to me. But yeah, once I was done laughing about it, we tried our best to get it back. He pretty much got his whole hand inside of me, but he couldn’t even feel it – that was how far up it had travelled.
Shadow: You ended up in hospital – was it a difficult decision to take yourself there? I’ve read a few stories where the sheer embarrassment of having something stuck up their ass stops people from getting help.
Marlou: Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t want to go. That was basically the last thing I wanted to do. But at the same time it was always there in my head as a last resort. I was basically thinking, “We need to get this out or I’m going to have to go to hospital”. It never even occurred to me to just leave it in there and hope for the best. I’m not an idiot. But we did try everything we could think of to get it out before heading to A&E. I spent about forty-five minutes squatting over the toilet trying to force it out, giggling intermittently the whole time.
Shadow: What was you hospital experience like? And how did they ultimately remove it?
Marlou: It was fine, really. Way more pleasant than I expected. I mean, nobody was particularly judgemental about it, nobody made me feel like a dick. They were all kind of like, “These things happen.” Which was great, because I was kind of freaking out on a certain level. Me and Ian both had a decent sense of humour, and we were joking about it the whole time, because joking about it made the whole thing less scary and awful. If we didn’t have a sense of humour, the whole thing would have been horrendous.
But anyway, the nurses and doctors were lovely. They tried to fish it out at first, which wasn’t great as I was already pretty sore. After a while they told me that they wanted to put me under for a bit so that they could get it without causing me too much pain. They were talking about surgery too – actually cutting me open – and that was a real chilling moment. I felt this kind of terror, and this sense of “Oh my god, what have I done?” Ian stayed with me the whole time, which I appreciated. I guess it’s a side of me I never planned on him seeing, but whatever. They gave me something to breathe and something to help me relax and then they had it out before I even knew they’d started.
Shadow: I can totally understand freaking out. What other emotions were you feeling during the whole process?
Marlou: I’m not used to feeling shame, but there was a real moment in the hospital where I just felt dirty. It was the way my sex life was rubbing up against all these poor doctors and nurses. They’re all there clean and professional, and I’m there because we fucked up while enjoying ourselves. And it was such a silly emergency as well. Like, I’m sure there were people in that department who were there through no fault of their own. So that wasn’t a good feeling.
That aside, there’s the feeling of having a whole cubicle full of people staring at your ass. I remember feeling a little weird that we’d been fucking and then come straight here. I felt as though I should have taken a courtesy shower or something. So there was a bit of shame, yeah. But at the same time the fact that they took me seriously and didn’t try and tell me off or make me feel stupid – that made a world of difference.
Shadow: Did you keep the toy?
Marlou: Yeah. They washed it off and gave it to me in a little baggie. I don’t still have it now – it got chucked during a house move – but for a while it was something I’d show lovers when I wanted to make them laugh. Although you have to pick your moment with that, I guess? It’s not a first date kind of thing. Maybe third.
Shadow: Do you still routinely do anal stuff?
Marlou: Yeah. Oh my god, yeah. I couldn’t live without it. I can come from both vaginal and anal sex, but the orgasms I have from anal are so different – kind of broader and deeper up inside me. Whatever. Anal is a necessary part of sex for me. I stayed away from it for a while after the incident – and I never did it again with Ian, even though I told him a dozen times that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. But after we broke up I bought some new toys with crazy wide bases that under no circumstances could get sucked up inside of me, and I got back into it.
Shadow: How do you feel about the incident now? And what happened with Ian?
Marlou: Now I can just laugh about it, I guess. There was some real fear and real distress on the night itself, but we got through it. And now it’s just one of those funny stories you can tell because everything turned out fine. Me and Ian didn’t last, but it wasn’t anything to do with this that split us up. I mean it when I say that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. And he was so amazing at hospital and throughout the whole thing, keeping me positive and laughing. He dealt with it perfectly, and I guess we both learned something. But yeah, we’re not together anymore, though we’re on pretty decent terms. You have to be after you’ve been through something as absurd as that with someone.
Shadow: Do you have a more positive memory about anal sex to end on?
Marlou: My first time coming from anal. I was ten years older than when I had my first vaginal orgasm, and I guess I pretty much thought I knew what my body could do. And then I was getting fucked in the ass and fingered at the same time and I came and it was so totally different, and so totally mindblowing… I remember coming back down to earth afterwards just gasping and feeling my ass contract around the guy’s cock and laughing so hard, and just being absolutely blissed out and delighted.
My friends are weird. But cool. If you’re both of those things, you can be my friend too.
Got something to say to Marlou? Spit, and I’ll make sure it gets to her (so long as you’re nice).
More stuff like this? Well, only because you asked for it.