Wax play involves melting and dripping candle wax onto yourself or your lover for the purposes of sexual or sensual gratification. It’s a BDSM staple, since hot wax is a fun and easy way to inflict some pleasurable pain… but it also works as a purely sensory thing, no pain involved.
For wax play, however, you can’t just use any candle – most household candles will provide only thoroughly unsexy burns rather than pleasurable little stings of heat.
And, speaking of unsexy burns, anything that involves fire and viscous liquids has some inherent risks. Here’s what you should be aware of when approaching wax play for the first time.
Contents
Shitty wax play advice to ignore
What candles are good for wax play?
Why do people enjoy wax play?
For masochists, being splashed with wax that’s allllmost too hot is an enjoyably painful prospect. For sadists, wax play is a versatile and interesting way of inflicting pain on their willing victims.
Many people also enjoy the sensory qualities of wax play too: the feeling of heat in one’s skin, the scraping away of hardened wax after play, the rapid changes in temperature, the silky feeling of liquid wax before it solidifies…
On top of all that, wax play also looks real kinky. Some people enjoy it just because it’s novel and naughty.
Wax play prep
As with most things, a little bit of prep before a scene goes a long way to ensuring a good time for everyone involved.
Avoiding ruined sheets
No matter how careful you are, you’ll almost certainly spill some wax on your sheets during play. It’s incredibly difficult to remove wax from fabrics, so either use sheets that you’re not super attached to, or cover your play area with a junk sheet, shower curtain, or towel.
Avoiding an embarrassing house fire
As over-careful as it might seem, also remove any flammable substances from the immediate area where you’ll be playing: spirits, cleaning chemicals, dangling wall decorations. Nobody plans to catch these things on fire, but it happens. Remove them and it won’t happen to you.
Similarly, be mindful of fire alarm systems and smoke detectors. Most candles produce only a tiny amount of smoke, but it can still be enough to set off an alarm (some of which detect heat rather than smoke in any event). Avoid embarrassment by playing in a room without a smoke or heat detector, or temporarily disabling one otherwise.
Avoiding unsexy burns
For the same reason, have a wet towel nearby and easily accessible. You can use it to both extinguish flames if necessary, and to cool skin if you do accidentally cause a burn.
If you do BDSM stuff on a regular basis you’ll probably already have a first aid kit. If wax play is a standard part of your repertoire, you might consider adding some soothing burn gel or a couple of extra ice packs to the mix.
Avoiding tangled body hair
The receiving partner may wish to shave the area that’s going to be waxed, since dried wax can be tricky and painful to remove from hairy parts of the body. This only applies to particularly hairy areas like your underarms, legs, pube zone, and (maybe) chest. The hair which covers most of the rest of your skin is very short and very fine, and thusly won’t get tangled or make it difficult to remove candle wax.
Shitty wax play advice to ignore
Cosmopolitan, the bastion of awful sex tips, recommends slathering skin with baby oil before engaging in wax play in order to make cleanup easier. This is not a good idea for the following pertinent reasons:
- Baby oil is flammable, and you’ll be playing with a naked flame
- Dried wax really isn’t that difficult to remove from skin
- Baby oil will fuck up your sheets way worse than wax will
- Oils of any kind are bad for your sensitive areas
If you’re having trouble getting rid of the slight waxy residue that remains on skin after a hot shower, try baby oil then. Don’t splash it around before you play.
What candles are good for wax play?
For wax play that you’re not going to regret in the morning, it’s best to buy candles which are specifically made for this purpose. And it’s best to buy them from a dedicated sex toy retailer. Some of the cheap sex candles you find on other retail websites not only burn too hot, but also contain some pretty nasty chemicals.
For quick reference, here are some recommendations for every flavour of wax play.
| Candle | Melt Consistency | Temperature |
|---|---|---|
| Earthly Body Edible Massage Candles | Edible Oil | Cool |
| Kama Sutra Ignite Massage Oil Candles | Massage Oil | Cool |
| Ouch! Make Me Melt Candles | Wax | Medium |
| Doc Johnson Japanese Bondage Candles | Wax | Hot |
The candles above should be good for getting you started. If you want to go a bit more in-depth and select from a wider range of candles, here’s what to look for when you shop.
Ingredients
Ideally, any candle you’re planning to drip onto your (or your lover’s) skin should be as pure as possible. Any additives increase the chance of an allergic reaction or skin rash, and usually make the melted wax hotter than you’d expect, too.
The perfect waxplay candle, then, will have only one ingredient. And, hopefully, it’ll be one of these:
- Soy ✔️
- Parrafin ✔️
On the other hand you’ll want to avoid the following ingredients, all of which burn a wee bit too hot for comfort:
- Beeswax ❌
- Stearin ❌
- Microcrystalline Wax ❌
Shape
Look for candles that are towers not tapers – basically candles that are the same length all the way up, like this:
NOT candles which taper, like this:
Candles which taper generally have hardeners and stabilisers added, which means that they’ll burn a lot hotter.
Containers
Avoid candles which come in little glass containers. These can crack. If they crack when you’re holding them over your lover you’ll get hot broken glass and hot melted wax everywhere. It won’t be super sexy.
Wax play technique
Dripping wax from a lit candle onto your willing partner sounds simple enough, but there are a few things to consider.
Test your candles
Before playing, whoever is doing the dripping should test the heat of the candles they plan to use by dripping a little tester of wax onto their own inner elbow. That way they have a much clearer idea of the sensations they’re giving… plus they’ll be the one to find out if they accidentally bought a candle made from the wrong kind of wax.
Getting the right temperature
A droplet of wax will cool down significantly as it falls through the air. This means there’ll be a huge difference in sensation if you drip wax from very close to your partner’s skin compared to dripping it from way up high.
Needless to say, you should begin with your candle a good arm’s-length away from your partner’s skin, and then gradually move it closer. Get feedback from them, and find out at what distance things feels good for them.
Clustering lots of drops of wax close together on their skin will also raise the temperature. If your lover wants more heat this is a good way to give it to them without changing candles. Equally, if they’re getting close to their limit you’ll want to avoid clustering your drips.
Mind splashback
Dripping from a great height = cooler wax… but it also means that the wax will splash on impact. Little flecks of it will travel further than you think. You want to avoid these little flecks of wax getting in your lover’s eyes. Easy ways to do this include:
- Blindfolding them
- Having them lie face down
- Having them shut their eyes
- Staying well away from their face
These maverick drips of wax will also get on your sheets. Good thing you put a towel down before you started playing, eh?
Pouring technique
You can allow wax to accumulate in a well at the top of a candle before pouring a sizeable blob, or hold the candle at a 45 degree angle so that it melts and drips intermittently. Tapping the candle gently with a finger gives a bit more control with this method.
Don’t hold the candle upside down, though, or allow the flame to touch the wax. If you do you’ll end up with wax that’s a little bit charred and nasty, more smoke than you need, and drips of wax that might be extra hot or even burning when they hit your partner’s skin.
It’s up to you what you do with your wax. You can concentrate on one part of the body or move the candle around. You can layer wax on top of wax, torture sensitive areas, or coat your partner’s skin with a heavy layer of the stuff. World’s your oyster.
Flame management
Keep things organised in your bedroom like you keep things organised in your life. When you put your candle down, blow it out. Don’t light more than one candle at once – if you want to play with lots of different colours of wax, do them one at a time.
Stand candles up when you set them down – if you lie them down on a flat surface they’ll probably roll.
Oh, and do take a moment to ensure they’re actually out when you put them out. Sometimes a small orange ember will remain at the tip of a wick for a while after you extinguish a candle. To kill it, lick your fingers and quickly pinch it out.
Quick cooling
When applying wax you’ll probably be able to tell from the receiving partner’s reactions how hot it is. They might moan, wriggle or gasp as the wax hits their skin. If they suddenly sound like they’re in real pain, though, they might have caught a drop or two that’s just a bit too hot.
When this happens you don’t need to splash them with water or run for an ice pack. Just smear your hand over the offending blot of wax. By doing this you thin it out, dilute the heat, and very quickly put an end to any burning.
Wax play locations
It’s a bad idea to drip wax onto sensitive areas, genitals included. Which isn’t to say that people don’t do it. Most fun things are also bad ideas. Just be aware that when you combine wax play with your genitals you’re doing so at your own risk.
One thing you should always avoid, though, is getting wax inside the receiving partner’s vagina or arse. It’s hard to wash out, and really throws things out of whack in there, pH-wise.
Wax play variations
There are lots of fun things you can do while playing with wax, and interesting ways you can combine it with other kinky things. Here are a few of them.
Wax + knife play
Drip a layer of wax onto your beloved. Select a not-too-sharp knife and use the point to cut a line through the crust of wax. Feels freaky, non? A little tiny bit like you’re cutting their skin.
Ice + hot wax
Have some ice to hand, and apply it to the skin before and after playing with wax. Apply ice in one area and hot wax in another, or use ice to chill the skin so that wax will set faster on contact.
Wax + massage oil
You can begin a wax play session with a candle that melts to massage oil, then move up to hotter, harder candles.
Wax pouring/smudging
As well as using wax from candles, it’s also possible to melt a small amount of wax in a pot and then pour or smear it onto your lover. This is especially good if you’re trying to make some pretty patterns with your wax.
After the scene
Gosh, that was fun, wasn’t it? I hope you enjoyed yourself. Now… what next?
Wax removal
Drips of wax usually dry into flat flakes against the skin. These can be peeled off pretty easily with just your fingers (it’s incredibly satisfying too), but it can also be fun to scrape them off with a knife blade or the edge of credit card. Do what’s enjoyable for you and your lover.
Peeling off the wax may leave a slight waxy residue on the skin. A hot shower should take care of this, but if you’re having problems shifting it try a little baby oil to soften and remove the residue.
If you accidentally got wax in your hair or on your sheets… I feel bad for you and have no suggestions.
Aftercare
The sensations involved in wax play can be intense, so the receiving partner might appreciate some aftercare. This can take any form. Here’s some more information on working out what aftercare routine works for you and yours.
First aid
In the course of a wax play session, you might accidentally cause a burn or two. Most of the time these will be small and isolated – just a drip of wax that was a little too close or a little too hot. You can deal with these by running them under cool water for a while, making sure they’re clean and then basically leaving them alone while they heal.
Watch for more serious burns. Burns which are severe, extensive, on sensitive areas, or which give rise to blisters should be cooled as soon as possible (stick them under a tap for at least ten minutes) and then assessed by a healthcare professional.
I love your guides. You should put all of them together in a book 🙂
~ Marie
That’s the plan, one of these days. It’s going to be a long one, though!