In a kink context, protocol is any set of rules that govern the interactions between a dominant partner and a submissive one. Most BDSM couples have at least a few rules that dictate the way they play, even if they’re unspoken. The most obvious one is the use of titles, which usually takes the form of the submissive partner calling the dominant partner “Sir” or “Mistress” (or “Daddy” or “Boss Hog” or “Master”) as appropriate.
High protocol just means having a lot of rules in play at any one time, or having rules that are very formal, specific, or strictly enforced.
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How to enjoy high protocol play
How to enjoy high protocol play
Because having a whole lot of rules can be a stressful (as well as fun) high protocol is often only observed for limited periods of time. You might have a high protocol evening or a high protocol meal, or simply observe your high protocol rules while spending time in the bedroom.
It’s powerful to observe rules. It reminds the submissive partner that they are owned, and reinforces the control of their dominant. Indeed, it almost doesn’t matter what rules you adhere to when playing with protocol. Anything can be powerful if it is strictly enforced.
You can make your partner bake you muffins every weekend, or present themselves to you as a human footstool. The form that your high protocol play takes can be malleable. You should do whatever works for you.
But, if you’re looking for some inspiration or some starting points for mapping out your high protocol BDSM play, here are some ideas to get you started…
High protocol play ideas
Eye Contact Restrictions
The submissive partner must avert their gaze from the dominant partner unless instructed otherwise. When doing this it’s better that they direct their eyes demurely to the floor, rather than looking out a window or staring into space like a bored employee.
Alternatively, the submissive partner must look to their dominant’s face at all times. Not personally one for me, but I gather some people do love being the centre of attention.
Positioning
When not doing something else, or when first presenting themselves to the dominant partner, the submissive partner should adopt a certain position. A gold standard is kneeling on the floor with knees spread and arms crossed behind their back.
The submissive partner can also be required to learn several positions and adopt them on command. The Restrained Elegance Lexicon of Slavegirl Positions is the de facto illustrated repository of different positions. Give it a read. It’s really quite entertaining.
Titles
Whenever speaking to the dominant partner, the submissive should use an agreed upon title. “Sir” or “Mistress” are the traditional ones, but “Daddy” is also pretty popular. If you want to go full military, make the title the first and last word that they use in every utterance.
Service
The submissive partner must perform certain tasks for the dominant partner on request. These might include making coffee the way they like it, polishing shoes, preparing a meal, or preparing their own body for sex or play.
These can take the form of standing orders as well. During a meal it can be the submissive partner’s responsibility to refill the dominant partner’s glass whenever it’s empty. Or, of a morning, they might be ordered to rise first, make a cup of tea, and then kneel beside the bed until the dominant partner is ready to wake. Cute, eh?
Inspection
The submissive partner must prepare themselves to a high standard before the arrival of the dominant partner, or on request. This can include bathing, wearing perfume, dressing a certain way, douching, inserting a butt plug, masturbating until wet/hard/otherwise ready, and so on.
Some couples have a rigid set of rules that govern this. These might include a schedule for the submissive partner to shave or wax, to fix their nails, to visit a hairdresser. Others couples are more fluid, specifying only that visible effort must have been made in preparation for the dominant partner’s arrival.
Presentation
The submissive must take care to conduct themselves in certain ways. They must, for example, stand up straight, always use both hands when giving something to their dominant partner, always stand with their hands behind their back when not doing anything else, or always remember to kneel when presenting themselves to their dominant.
The rules by which waiting staff in high-class establishments conduct themselves make some good guidelines. Note that in a formal setting waiting staff tend to use their whole hand to gesture rather than pointing, since pointing can be considered rude. They never reach across diners, and they will always prefer to lead you to a table rather than indicating it from afar.
Permission
The submissive partner must not take certain quotidian actions without permission. They might be mandated to ask for permission to use the bathroom, or they might have to use a gesture to obtain permission to speak to the dominant before doing so.
When fucking, it’s not uncommon to require that a submissive partner asks for permission before coming, although the efficacy of this depends on how orgasmic the submissive is. One of my lovers and I have a standing arrangement that she must wait for permission before swallowing any come that ends up in her mouth. I highly recommend it.
At rest
When not doing anything else, the submissive partner can be instructed to return to a specific spot or adopt a specific posture until told otherwise or dismissed. Some dominants like to keep their submissive partner close at hand so that they can serve them if required. Some prefer to keep them out of the way, in a corner of the room.
If you have a big enough cupboard, it’s fun to have them return there when not in use, like a robot vacuum cleaner returning to its charging port after a really good hoovering session.
Great post 👍
Thanks! Hope you find it useful.
I find your article highly informative yet mannered, thank you.
Thank you – so glad you found it useful!
Woman rules. She is the divine creator of life, the wisdom of the world, and the sovereign soul of all humanity. Her diametric male counterpart inwardly knows this, and understands at the base of its brain that She Must Be Obeyed. She must be revered, adored and served. For that overarching reason, men must accept their inferiority to Her, at all levels and in all ways, for all time. From the day they begin life as Her creations, they must learn to become Her subjects, Her worshipers, Her obedient slaves.
When Mistress summons one of Her male slaves, it follows this ritual to express its submission to Her will and to impress on the male’s consciousness its total obedience and submission the Her pleasure, its only reason for existence.
She summons Her slave to Her presence with a spoken command, a gesture of Her hand, a snap of Her fingers, or a signal of Her choice, that must be obeyed at once. The slave approaches on its hands and knees to Hrt. When it iis a body-length away, it prostrates itself at Her feet. She may then be pleased to move one foot slightly toward the slave, whereupon it will stretch forward and kiss Her shoe, boot, sandal or foot as a sign of abject humility.
If Mistress is not pleased with the slave in any way, She withdraws Her foot before its lips can touch Her, and if She is truly angry, She may kick the slave, signaling it to assume a position to be punished with Her whip, quirt, crop or cane; She will chastise it to Her pleasure, or command another slave to so so while She watches. When Mistress decides the slave is punished as necessary, She will allow it to kiss Her foot and to kiss the instrument of its chastisement in gratitude and submission.
When a slave has performed the ritual of kissing the foot or footwear of its Owner and Misstress, She may gesture it to rise and kneel, seated on its heels, to hear Her bidding and command. The only response for the slave is then to repeat the kiss of submission, adding, if appropriate, “Yes, Mistress; thank You, Mistress.” If clarification is necessary, the slave may continue with “May this slave ask you Mistress…” but of course Mistress is not required to respond if, in Her judgment, no further clarification id needed; Her response may be a lash with Her whip for insolence, or more punishment if She pleases to administer it. Again, the slave responds with lips to the Mistress’s toe and gratitude for the corrective pain.
Whenever Mistress dispenses pain or punishment, She does so from a position of absolute and loving power and authority – never in anger or with loss of control. She understands that slaves must obey without question or hesitation, and that Mistress must punish any response that is less than instant and exact. She alone judges every situation in Her realm, determines the gravity of anything that displeases Her, and allows no appeal from Her verdict. A truly dominant Mistress, in fact, holds the power of extermination over Her chattel slave property. However, in Her perfect wisdom, She tempers that authority with the economics of destroying valuable property. She is perfectly within Her right to forgive a mistake, if She trusts that the slave has learned (perhaps through memorably painful castigation) never to repeat the error.
In a perfect dominant utopia, slaves love their Owner, even while being punished for displeasing or disappointing Her, or even enduring torture for the amusement of a self-indulgent sadist (which describes many dominant Mistresses, and is no detraction from Their flawless perfection). The ideal slave understands, in the limited way it can comprehend, that punishment is how Mistress improves a slave. Similarly, it is a privilege for a slave to suffer to amuse or entertain Mistress – because the only reason that a slave exists is to please, benefit and serve its Owner and Mistress to the best of its necessarily limited ability; a proper slave welcomes punishment for its own improvement, and gratefully enjoys entertaining Mistress with its own agony when She so pleases.
[…] and discipline work for you? Go for it and visit Lascivity’s great post on high-protocol BDSM here. ! If that doesn’t appeal to you, consider low-protocol BDSM instead. Feeling adventurous? […]