Fully one third of the sex toys I own are implements designed for the purposes of spanking or hitting. Which shouldn’t be surprising, really, since enthusiastic beatings are basically the scones and jam of the kink community. Still, it amuses me to note just how many different tools we, as a society, have designed solely for the purpose of whipping the shit out of one another.
Being the massive nerd that I am, I have a fairly serious love affair with lists. Complete lists, especially. A few years ago I made it my aim to own at least one of every different conceivable implement designed for impact play. And, as it turned out, there were a lot. For anyone who loves lists as much as I do, here’s a brief summary thereof.
I’ve experimented with all of these, but eschewed the idea of organising them in order from least to most severe. Alphabetising things is just too much fun. For anyone curious, though, the synthetic cane is an absolute bitch of a thing. Enjoy.
The organic, skin-safe, additive-free choice – and so universally enjoyable that I actually have two. Leaves some unique, very pleasing marks. Can be used for a variety of activities beyond spanking, including choking, slapping, fingering and making sandwiches.
A solid favourite if only because whenever I’m wearing trousers (which I often am) a belt is usually on hand and can be repurposed for kinky shit with a minimum of fuss. Eminently adaptable, and less obtrusive to carry around than a custom-made leather flogger.
A birch is basically a big bunch of twigs – a description which belies just how painful they can actually be. They’re also inherently disposable (but don’t worry, they break down in an eco-friendly way). Fun fact: birches can draw blood, and they’re impossible to clean, so a birch should only ever be used on one person.
A classic implement. People think canes are made from bamboo, but bamboo’s for pandas. Canes are usually rattan, which is far more flexible, and less likely to break on impact. Among my favourite toys due to their minimal effort/significant pain paradigm. They also leave very clean, attractive marks.
You can buy synthetic canes in a range of materials, from acrylic to lexan. They have much the same qualities as wooden canes, although they’re easier to maintain and (depending on how they’re used) potentially less likely to break. They’re hella painful as well. Just saying.
A rubber club resembles a police truncheon or other similar implement. Looks like it’ll hurt way more than it does. Intimidating, and good for all-over beatings – although, obviously, use some restraint. Leave it to the actual police to beat people to death.
A staple of BDSM. A short, flexible length of rod (usually wrapped with leather or another material) with a handle on one end and a keeper on the other. Often used in horse-riding and hunting, so beating a consenting partner with one is actually one of the least dickish uses a given crop might be put to.
Okay, so not technically an implement designed for spanking. But if you were designing an implement you could hardly do much better. A paddle which delivers a short, sharp shock on impact. If you know where to look you can find custom made ones that don’t look like they came straight from Poundland. There is no need to roleplay that your partner is a fly.
A popular toy that consists of a rigid handle and multiple flexible falls – think cat-o-nine-tails and you’ll be in the right general area. The implement of choice for domly doms who take themselves way too seriously. But also good for fun times and extended beatings.
A loop of flexible material such as leather, wire or plastic cord mounted at the end of a handle. Pretty uncommon. I had mine custom-made by a friend out of USB cord – because I’m a nerd and I believe in recycling, that’s why. These vary enormously in terms of weight and severity. They produce a stingy sensation and some interesting marks.
Usually made of wood or leather, paddles consist of a handle and a flat surface. Their size and weight mean they can be quite painful. And noisy. And they leave some excellent marks. Variants include paddles imprinted with epithets such as “TULS”, designed to produce a labelling effect.
Essentially similar in appearance to a flogger, but with only two thick falls rather than many thin ones, and a weird stupid-sounding name. Quirts can be used in a similar fashion to a flogger, but generally produces a sharper sensation, and are much more likely to leave marks. Difficult to find outside of the eighteenth century.
Slipper / Hairbrush
More improvised options for when you haven’t planned ahead. One or other of these will generally be available in your average household. Someone once asked me which end of the hairbrush is usually held and which is used to hit. Answer: if you can feel the bristles in your hand you’re doing it wrong.
Essentially the same as a tawse but with a solid tongue rather than a split one. Not a huge difference in sensation, although the strap tends to be more weighty, and produce – to my ears at least – a somewhat less satisfying sound.
A short strip of leather, the end of which is split into two thick tails. The name is Scots in origin (the plural of “taw”, which is Scots for belt or thong), and the tawse was traditionally applied to the palm of the hand. It works well in any fleshy area though. Snap.
You’re probably picturing a classic bullwhip, but these require an exceptional amount of space and quite a lot of practice to use correctly – plus they do more damage than you probably want. Shorter, more flexible whips are more practical for use indoors. Just know that, if you’re waving it around inside the house, it’s about one hundred percent likely that you’re going to knock something off a shelf.