Cute Aggression

There is something about this time. Perhaps that I’m still jetlagged, floating between timezones. Perhaps that I haven’t seen her in a while; long enough to forget just how cute she is. Compact, blonde, blue-eyed, giggly, curvy. She wears the same perfume she always wears, and the smell of it makes me want her so badly I feel jittery, unfocussed.

I am excited just by the sight of her. By everything. Her hands. Her sweet little face. The way she struggles to pronounce the name of a wine in her native language.

I am always excited by her. But this time, tired and displaced as I am, it manifests as a kind of overwhelming cute aggression. I want to have her. I want to hold her in my arms and squeeze her.

We fuck in my bed. Naked. Roughly. The first time I’ve been inside her in a month. She’s waited for me – as she is required to. She clutches me and bites my collarbone as I enter her. I am, as always, struck by how smooth and soft and perfect her cunt is. By the noises she makes. How intensely blue her eyes are when they stare directly into mine.

As I’m fucking her, I put a hand around her neck. She nods, “Please. Yes. Please,” she says. I can feel her cunt react to me touching her neck. I choke her until her face pinks and there are tears in her eyes. I squeeze her. Then, as I come, I let go. Gasping, she wraps herself around me, holds tight, whimpering into my neck, “I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours.”

Afterwards, a feeling rolls over me – warm and heavy and almost tangible. A blanket of a feeling, draping over me completely and consumingly. It feels as though there are atoms moving between our panting bodies, shuttling back and forth between us. Connective tissue, carrying some indefinite electricity. I want to press myself into her until I absorb her or she absorbs me: this sweet, soft, pliant little creature with whom I do such violent things.

The feeling lasts for hours. I inhale it. Those atoms that move between us. Her perfume. We breathe the same close air, faces almost touching. I feel her sweat smeared onto me. Feel it sink into my skin.

I have felt the ghost of this feeling before, but never so strongly. Never so intensely that the want feels like an impulse, the impulse feels like a physical thing. And it amazes me, all of it: how warm her body is, how small compared to mine, how intimate the things we have just done. The savagery with which I’d thrust myself into her soft little body.

We lie together for a long time. Eventually, our bodies still tightly entwined, we sleep.