Fisting – also known as handballing or fist-fucking – is a sexual activity wherein one human thrusts all or most of their hand (down to the wrist in some cases) into another human’s vagina or anus.
Does the idea of an entire hand entering your orifice of choice make you wince? You’re not alone. Being fisted isn’t something that most people are physically capable of right out the gate. Training your body to accommodate a fist inside it is something which takes practise and patience.
If you’re prepared to take things slow and be persistent, though, there’s a very good chance that you’ll be able to enjoy fisting at some point in the future – even if that feels pretty unlikely right now. This article covers everything you need to know to get started, work up to taking a full fist, and have fun once you get there.
Contents
How to fist yourself (or your partner)
Why do people enjoy fisting?
Lots of reasons. For many, being fisted gives them a feeling of fullness they don’t get any other way – a feeling of fullness that’s even better than that provided by a really big dildo, since the fister can wriggle fingers and thrust enthusiastically in a way that most dildos cannot.
For masochists, the pain and discomfort which can sometimes accompany being fisted is part of what makes it fun.
And for other people it’s stimulating to push themselves and see how much they can take. They might enjoy the visual of their lover’s hand disappearing into their body, or derive some kinky satisfaction from taking something absurdly big.
Fisting isn’t always possible
Most people can, with enough patience, lube and training, happily accommodate a fist in one or more of their orifices. Vaginas and arseholes are both surprisingly stretchy… but they do have limits.
If the fistee is relatively small and the fister’s hands are relatively large, it may not be anatomically possible to fit one inside the other. But that’s not the end of the world. Inserting part of a hand still feels really good.
Can’t get an entire hand inside yourself despite following the instructions below? Ah well. Don’t get too hung up on arbitrary goals. Focus instead of what feels enjoyable and you’ll have a much better time.
How to fist yourself (or your partner)
Get appropriate tools
In the course of training your body to be fisted, you’re going to be using a lot of lube. You’ll need a bottle of slippery stuff that’s effective, compatible with your body, and works with any toys you plan to use.
A water-based lube (like these) is the simplest option, since water-based lubes are compatible with almost everything. They do dry out quite quickly, though, so remember to reapply lube frequently as you play (bottles with pumps are ideal, since they let you dispense lube one-handed).
If lube drying out bothers you, opt for a silicone lube instead. They last longer… but they’re also a bit harder to clean up, and may not be compatible with all of your toys.
I don’t recommend oil-based lubes, as they’re incredibly difficult to clean up and can be bad for your body.
All that extra lube is going to create a little bit of extra mess. You may want to lay down some towels, or sacrifice some old bedsheets. Or you could not, and simply decide to revel happily in your own bodily scents and fluids.
Finally: gloves. The fister doesn’t have to wear gloves when fisting, but doing so has a number of advantages. First and foremost they protect any cuts on the fister’s hands, and lessen the chance of communicable disease transmission. Secondly, they also smooth out those hands, providing some protection from rough skin and the edges of nails.
Oh, and wearing gloves helps with lube management too.
Audit your hands
Give the hand you’re planning to insert a close inspection before you begin. If there are any hangnails, deal with them. If the nails are sharp, file them down until they’re not. False nails should be removed before attempting to fist someone. Ditto for rings and – if you’re feeling optimistic – your wristwatch.
When that’s all taken care of, give your hands a wash, and glove up if you want to. Shazam. You’re ready to go.
Working up to fisting
It’s pretty unlikely that the fister will be able to just slide an entire hand into the fistee without any warm up. Most humans need to spend several long sessions playing around, getting used to the sensations, and gradually increasing the girth that they can fit inside themselves.
The fistee needs to be able to relax. This is true in two senses. Firstly, they need to feel relaxed. If they’re tense or nervous, they’ll do a completely natural thing: clench. This isn’t going to help when trying to get something the size of a fist inside them.
Do whatever is necessary to help the fistee relax. Don’t put them under pressure to perform by setting goals (“I really want to get my whole hand inside your cunt”). If they’re worried about being overheard, set up some background music to cover any noises you might make. If they’re worried about making a mess, have them douche first. Anything you can do to make the experience more enjoyable and stress-free will also make it physically easier.
In another sense, the fistee’s various sphincter’s also need to relax. The muscles in either orifice are only accustomed to stretching so far. If you want to be able to stretch them further you’ll need to spend some time training them.
To do this, begin by inserting whatever you can comfortably take, be that a tiny butt plug, a dildo, or a couple of fingers. Keep this inside for several minutes, until you barely notice it anymore. Then replace it with something slightly larger: a bigger toy, or an increased number of fingers.
You’ll feel the stretch at first. It shouldn’t be painful, but you should certainly be aware of it. But, again, be patient. Play. Stimulate yourself. Have a chat with your partner. Over the course of several minutes any discomfort you do feel should either fade away or reduce in intensity.
When you’re ready, move up to something bigger again. Keep doing that – increasing the girth of what’s inside you, then allowing your body time to get accustomed to it – until you can fit a fist in there.
Don’t stress if this takes a long time. It probably will. Most people need several sessions of girthier and girthier play before they’re ready to take a fist. That’s normal. You’ll make the whole process a lot easier and more enjoyable by accepting that getting where you’re going may take a long time.
Fisting technique
The term “fisting” makes it sound like you’re supposed to go in with a clenched fist. This isn’t the case, although you can do that if the fistee can take it and finds it enjoyable (people call this technique “punching”).
Most people prefer a technique which is sometimes called “the duck” – perhaps because the fister’s fingers resemble (vaguely) a duck’s bill:
- Straighten your thumb
- Keep it straight
- Place the tips of all four fingers of that hand on the tip of your thumb
- Slather the whole thing with lube
- Quack quack, you’re done
It’s easy to work up to fisting someone with this hand position. Start with one finger, then two, then three, then four. Add the thumb, and then work on getting a little deeper each time you play.
Fisting hacks
If you’re having trouble getting beyond a certain point, here are some things that some people say are helpful. Every person is different, of course, so not all of these will work for you. Try them, experiment, and find what does.
Masturbation
Being turned on will help the fistee relax, and make the process of fisting them infinitely easier. They can touch themselves while being fisted, or the fister can get them off with a free hand. Either way: aside from lube, pleasure is the number one facilitator of fisting.
Breathing
Some fistees also find that controlling their breathing helps. Breathe deep, and have the fister push gently deeper as you inhale.
Frequent breaks
Remember that stopping for a break is also an option. Being relaxed and having fun will make getting a fist inside you infinitely easier. As soon as you start getting tired, or feeling frustrated, or feeling impatient… take a break.
Toys
Butt plugs are extremely useful when working up to taking a fist in the arse. They can be worn under the clothes for extended periods (an hour or two at a time) to help with training. They’re also available in graduated sets, which make working up to bigger sizes much simpler.
Dildo hands, like these, can help a fistee get used to the shape of a fist. Plus they’re a real fun thing to have on your mantelpiece when not in use.
Inflatable insertables are good for girth training… although they’re also quite difficult to clean and maintain. Once inserted these toys can be pumped up in order to make them thicker, allowing you to increase the girth you’re taking without removing one toy and inserting another.
Poppers
These slightly dubious recreational drugs (also known as alkyl nitrates) are available from corner shops everywhere. As with any drug, they should be used with a reasonable degree of caution.
Inhaled (cautiously) they can help the fistee relax the muscles in their arse, making fisting much easier. The side effects of poppers don’t agree with everyone, though, so make your own decision about whether they’re right for you.
Once you’re in
Getting an entire fist inside yourself or your lover might be all you aspire to. It feels pretty good, and it looks pretty good, and it’s quite possibly something you’ve never done before. Hurrah.
But getting a fist inside can equally just be a starting point, from which you can discover a range of brand new sensations. Try having the fister flex their fingers, ball them up into a fist, push a little deeper, pump their hand in and out, wriggle their fingers, and so on.
Knowing you can take a fist also opens up the possibility of play with some ludicrously girthy toys.
Troubleshooting
Fisting Dangers
Like any fun kinky activity, fisting is not without inherent risks. If you’re fisting your lover’s arse, there are particular hazards. The arse is a hotspot for disease transmission, and thus you should be extra careful about taking things slow, covering any cuts on your hands, and generally keeping things hygienic.
Other common issues include cuts and grazes… or even tears. Tears are, by the way, extrememly unlikely if you take things slow and communicate well with the fistee. Wearing gloves, using lots of lube, and exercising reasonable caution are all things you can do to make these kinds of injuries from fisting very unlikely.
Fisting Myths
The most prevalent myth surrounding fisting is that once you stretch your cunt or your arse it’ll remain “loose” forevermore. This isn’t the case. Bodies are infinitely adaptable and flexible. As long as you don’t push yourself way beyond your limits, it’ll always tend to revert back to the way it was before.
The feeling of having been stretched or filled might last a day or two. You might experience some very minor pain. There may even be a few small spots of blood (anything more than that is cause for concern). But distending an orifice permanently is not something you have to worry about. Your arsehole is more resilient than it looks.
Once more an absolutely great guide, and a place I will send people if they ask me for more information on fisting 🙂
~ Marie