A squirting dildo is a dildo with a hollow tube running down the middle of the shaft. Load up a receptacle at the end of the tube with the fake cum of your choice and you can make the dildo squirt on command.
Squirting dildos are fun and messy. And also kind of expensive. And quite difficult to clean.
So, here’s a guide that covers which squirting dildo to buy, how to clean and maintain your toy, and some of the fun things you can do with it once you’ve got it.
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Why do people enjoy squirting dildos?
Why do people enjoy squirting dildos?
There are many reasons why people enjoy toys that squirt. Here are a few of them.
Added realism
If you’re looking to use a dildo as a stand-in for a penis, it being able to ejaculate adds a lot in terms of realism. The squirting function can also be used to simulate pre-come, again adding to a sense of realism.
For some types of play, having a dildo that can ejaculate adds significantly to the dynamic. With an ordinary dildo your lover can fuck you. With a squirting dildo they can fuck you and come in you as well. Hurrah.
Wet and messy
Squirting dildos are excellent, messy fun. If you like getting slippery, making a mess, throwing lube around, and generally revelling in body fluids and their analogues, you’ll probably enjoy playing with a squirting toy.
The feeling of ejaculation, on demand
Many people enjoy the feeling of having someone ejaculate inside them… but there are lots of reasons why they might not get to experience it very often.
Perhaps their partner doesn’t have a dick or doesn’t ejaculate. Perhaps they’re worried about pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Or perhaps they like it so much that they want more or larger loads than the average human body can manage.
With a squirting dildo you have a toy that simulates the feel of internal ejaculation… but on demand. You can make your toy squirt as often as you want, as copiously as you want, and with less risk of anyone getting pregnant.
Which squirting dildo to buy
There are a several different squirting dildos available. The key features I’d recommend you look for are:
A syringe, not a bulb. Squirting dildos with a bulb attachment offer very little control, often don’t work, and are impossible to clean. Toys which use a syringe and a length of silicone tubing, on the other hand, have none of these problems.
Bodysafe silicone. As with any toy that you plan on putting in or on your body, opt for bodysafe silicone. Avoid jelly toys, or toys made from toxic materials.
Manual, not electric. There are a few battery-powered squirting dildos out there. They are, however, universally disappointing. And, to top it off, they’re also impossible to clean. Save your money and go with something manually operated.
Suction cup or vac-u-lock. Having a suction cup, vac-u-lock port, or harness-compatible base on your dildo means that you can do a lot more with it. You can sucker it to surfaces or add it to a strap-on harness, for example.
Here are three toys that I specifically recommend, and which tick all the boxes above.
Bust-It Ejaculating Realistic Dildo by Doc Johnson
The Bust-It Ejaculating Realistic Dildo by Doc Johnson (available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US) is a girthy but decently flexible dildo. It’s harder than your average dildo, but softer than most squirting toys.
It’s also the most realistic of the three listed here. There’s a nice amount of detail, and it comes in different shades (light and dark), so you can get one that nominally matches you.
The toy is Vac-U-Lock compatible, and comes with a Vac-U-Lock sucker that’s relatively effective when used on tile or other smooth surfaces. This means you can sucker it a surface for hands-free play, or (in a pinch) use it with a strap-on harness.
Strap-on-me Squirting Harness Compatible Dildo
The Strap-On-Me Squirting Harness Compatible Dildo (available from SheVibe) is a narrow, basically featureless dildo. This makes it ideal for anal penetration or pegging… but also means that it’s not super realistic.
On the plus side, this toy is harness compatible, with a tube that exits the side of the base. It’s also relatively easy to clean compared to other squirting toys, and even comes with some spare tubing.
The flat base means that it can’t be suckered to a surface, but can be stood up on end.
Pop ‘N’ Play Squirting Harness Compatible Silicone Dildo and Packer
The Pop ‘N’ Play Squirting Harness Compatible Silicone Dildo and Packer (available from SheVibe) is designed to function as a squirting dildo, while also being suitable to wear under clothes to create a realistic crotch bulge.
It’s relatively soft, and comes in a range of shades so you can pick one that suits your preference. It’s harness compatible, with a tube that runs out the side rather than the bottom of the base.
It doesn’t have a sucker, but it is pretty easy to clean and re-fit with fresh tubing whenever you use it.
Using your squirting dildo
What to fill a squirting dildo with
The simplest thing to load your squirting dildo with is watered down lube – edible lube (Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US carry a range of flavours) if you intend to swallow a load from the toy, or just regular water-based lube (I suggest Bondara Spunk Lubricant) if it’s going elsewhere.
If you’re shooting for realism, this piece is all about making imitation cum, and includes several recipes for fake semen of varying authenticity.
Whatever you use, you’ll need enough of it to fill the tube and the syringe – mix up about twice the load you want to take. The end result should have some body to it, but not be so thick that it’ll refuse to flow.
You can fill a squirting dildo with water to test it out, but this isn’t great for play; water alone is too thin and will leak out before you want it to.
Fun things to do with a squirting dildo
There are lots of fun things you can do with your ejaculating dildo. Here are a few of them.
Strap-on play/suction cup fun
The dildos listed above can all be used with harnesses, meaning that they work as strap-ons. All you’ll need is a harness with a suitably-sized O-ring (SheVibe has a whole section dedicated to strap-on harnesses).
Dildos that come with suction cups can be suckered onto flat surfaces (very smooth surfaces like tile work best) for hands-free fun.
Pre-come
Once you’ve loaded up your syringe with the liquid of your choice, you don’t have to shoot your shot all in one go. You might want to release a small amount of liquid to simulate a surge of pre-cum, or use your squirting dildo to deliver several loads over the course of a session.
Bukkake
Spray your load onto your partner’s face, onto their tits, onto their skin in general. Using a squirting dildo loaded with an excessive amount of fake cum allows you to explore bukkake fantasies without the hassle of recruiting a bunch of willing sperm donors. Fun.
Wet deck fun times
Some people enjoy the sensation of fucking someone who has already been semenized by a third party. If no third party is available, an ejaculating dildo makes a good stand in.
Even if that’s not your jam, by the way, squirting some lube into your partner before you fuck is a fun activity. An abundance of lube can enhance sensation, and increase feelings of fullness and deep penetration.
Achieving realism
A squirting dildo can mimic a biological cock, but may not achieve perfect realism. That said, there are a few things you can do to make things a little more realistic.
Warm things up
Leave your toy in a bath of hot water for ten to twenty minutes before play. You can also leave your loaded syringe in a hot water bath (it should be waterproof). This results in warm cum being squirted from a warm toy. Nice.
Whatever you read online, don’t try and warm stuff up in a microwave or oven.
Shoot for realistic flavour
Different types of fake cum have different flavour profiles. If you want a more true-to-life taste, take a look at some of the recipes here and adjust using salt and grapefruit extract until you’ve got something that tastes about right.
You can, of course, also use actual cum. Paul Photenhauer (of Natural Harvest fame) suggests harvesting large quantities of spunk by ejaculating into an ice cube tray several times over the course of a week, freezing in between times. Thaw the end result to get a sizeable load of more-or-less fresh cum.
Cleaning your squirting dildo
There’s one major issue with squirting dildos: they’re difficult to clean. The bore of most toys is so narrow that liquid gets stuck in there, quickly making your brand new toy somewhat manky and disgusting.
Even if you flush your toy with water, it’s difficult to fully dry it. Water can remain in the tube, eventually generating some nice black mould. Rancid.
Naturally, you’ll want the internals of your squirting dildo to be clean and tidy – especially if you’re using it to deliver cumshots into your or your partner’s body.
So, what to do?
Here are a couple of options:
Pipe cleaners and disposable tubing
Get some basic pipe cleaners. Get some silicone tubing that’s just a little narrower than the bore of your dildo. Get some disposable syringes that fit your tubing.
Each time you use your dildo, you’re going to clean and dry the bore of the toy, and throw out the used silicone tube and syringe. You’ll replace it with fresh new kit each time you play.
Here’s the process:
- Pull out your lubey tube and bin it. Wash the toy with soap and water.
- Direct some water into the bore of the toy to flush it out. High pressure hot water is best – you may be able to use your shower for this.
- Use a pipe cleaner to give the inside of the bore a gentle scrub.
- Rinse again. Use several pipe cleaners to dry the bore. Keep going until you can insert a pipe cleaner and it comes out dry.
- Leave the toy to dry for a day or so before stashing it away.
When you want to use your toy again cut yourself a piece of fresh silicone tubing of appropriate length and slide it into the bore. This should be pretty easy. If you can’t slide it easily in, get a smaller diameter of tubing, or lubricate its passage with a little water.
Carry out some light surgery
You could also carry out some light surgery on your squirting toy. Here’s the method for the Doc Johnson:
- Remove the silicone tube that comes with the toy. Bin it. Buy some replacement silicone tubing and compatible syringes on Amazon
- Use a box cutter to make one long, neat slice down the top of the toy from the tip to the base, giving you access to the bore of the toy.
- Each time you want to use the toy, lay in a length of new silicone tubing, and use a fresh syringe.
- Once you’re finished, dispose of the silicone tubing and syringe, and clean the inside of your toy with a sponge or toothbrush.
- Dry the tube by peeling open the toy and packing in a microfiber towel or similar.
And that’s it. You’ve got a toy that squirts that you can also safely clean and re-use. Yes, it’s got a slightly ugly and undesirable incision along the top, but assuming your toy is pure silicone this shouldn’t be too much of an issue. You may notice it, but it shouldn’t ruin your experience of the toy.
Life hack: use silica gel for a nice dry toy
I like to stick a few sachets of silica gel in with my squirting dildos whenever I stash them away. Silica absorbs water from the atmosphere (it’s the stuff you find in beef jerky packs) and it can help suck up any little bits of lingering moisture that you didn’t get with your pipe cleaners or towel packing.
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