There’s a problem with the sex toy industry. The problem is this: sex toys are embarrassing. To politicians and legislators the mere thought of a vibrating butt plug is so mortifying that they would rather do anything other than regulate the sex toy industry.
Nobody wants to be remembered as the politician who made dildos safe again. And, thus, the industry remains largely unregulated, and rife with unsafe, carcinogenic and toxic toys.
This isn’t a trivial problem, either. Badly-made sex toys can cause some really unpleasant injuries, including allergic reactions and chemical burns in places were you really don’t want either of those things.
Fortunately, with a small amount of care and awareness you can learn to spot a dodgy dildo.
Contents
Be ready to spend a little more
Don’t buy from…
To start with, save yourself a lot of hassle by avoiding discount retailers like:
- AliExpress
- Wish
- Geek
- Banggood
- DealExtreme
These sites are rife with counterfeit goods. Yes, they sell stuff cheap, but they do so because the stuff they’re selling is usually made of horse glue. I wouldn’t trust any of these retailers with my credit card details, and I certainly wouldn’t trust anything they stock enough to stick it in my body.
Amazon isn’t on the list. You can find decent sex toys on Amazon, but you need to be selective. Almost anyone can sell almost anything using the Amazon platform, so don’t take the fact that a sex toy is available on Amazon as a sign that it’s safe.
Instead, seek out the storefronts of recognised retailers you know and trust. Some of the retailers listed in the table below, for example, also have stores on Amazon from which you can safely buy butt plugs to your heart’s content.
Do buy from…
Want to skip the rest of this article and go browse some toys? No problem. Here are some retailers that I personally recommend. Their goods are, by in large, safe and of decent quality.
| Bondara | Sex toys, lingerie and bondage kit. The vast majority of their stuff is safe and of good quality. |
| Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US | Excellent sex toy retailer with solid returns policy. Most of their catalogue is fine, but they do still stock the odd jelly butt plug. |
| SheVibe | Sex toys, vibrators, dildos and masturbators. Works harder than almost any other retailer to ensure that their catalogue is safe and ethical. Highly recommended. |
| UberKinky | Stocks a wide range of toys and insertables. Not perfect, but 99% of their stock is safe and of decent quality. |
Of course, you should still read reviews and exercise judgement when buying even from these retailers.
Be ready to spend a little more
Good quality sex toys cost more than bad quality ones. That’s a fact of life. Using high-grade ingredients and complying with safety guidelines adds to the manufacturer’s bottom line, which adds to the price.
When buying toys you should be prepared to spend more than the absolute minimum. If an item is priced suspiciously cheaply… something suspicious probably happened during its manufacture in order to make it that cheap.
If you’re balking at the idea of paying more for toys, consider this: well-made toys last longer. A lot longer. Buying cheap will mean buying again in less than a year. Spending a little more now can actually save you money in the long run.
Oh, and spending a little more will help make sure you don’t chemically burn your genitals. That’s good too.
Avoid unsafe toys
Some toys are unsafe by dint of glaring design flaws. Here are some common ones to look out for while shopping:
Butt plugs with no base
It is entirely possible to lose things in your arse. It’s not fun or glamorous, but it happens to at least a handful of people each year. You probably don’t want to be one of them.
To avoid this unpleasant fate, eschew butt plus or other anal toys that don’t have a flared base or prominent handle. A base or grip that’s wider than the body of the toy stops you from losing it in your arse.
Flimsy insertables
Avoid insertables that look a little bit too flimsy for comfort. Love balls are a common culprit here – if they’re connected together by a cheap bit of string, you don’t want to put them inside your body. That string will, at some point, snap… and before you know it you’ll have a love egg lodged in your body cavity.
Dodgy glass
Glass toys are, generally speaking, very safe. But there are some dangerous knock-off glass toys out there. These cheap imposters may chip or scratch, creating a sharp edge that could cause injury. In the absolute worst-case scenario, they might also break while inside your body.
To avoid this, avoid any glass toys that have thin or complex structures, like ring-shaped handles, etc. Any painted glass toys are also likely to be toxic. Stick to sturdy-looking, simple, plain glass toys from well-known brands.
Uncleanable mould traps
If you can’t fully clean a toy, it’s only a matter of time before it gets gross. Squirting dildos are among the worst toys for this, as they often have hollows or tubes which cannot be accessed or cleaned.
Here’s a little more about buying, using and cleaning squirting dildos. Generally, though, if it seems like a given toy might be impossible to clean after use, avoid that toy.
Avoid toxic toys
Toxic toys are another problem altogether. These are toys that, while free of obvious mechanical defects, might well be made from toxic, irritant, or cancer-causing materials.
The worst toxic toys leak oil, melt when stored improperly, cause genital irritation and burns, and may cause serious health problems down the line. Not fun.
Here’s how to ensure you’re buying non-toxic toys.
Buy from trusted retailers
The above named retailers generally stock toys that are safe to use. However, they’re not perfect. You should still exercise some caution and avoid some materials.
Of all the retailers named above, SheVibe is the best at doing the work for you, and ensuring that they toys they stock are safe, non-toxic and ethical as well. If they stock the kind of thing you’re looking for, I’d highly recommend shopping with them.
Pick your materials carefully
Some materials are downright toxic. If possible, avoid these materials altogether:
- Jelly ❌
- PVC ❌
- Latex rubber ❌
- “Flesh-like” materials ❌
Some materials are non-toxic, but porous. That means infectious stuff can be absorbed into the toy and linger under the surface. These toys are safe to use if cleaned regularly, but should never be shared. Once you’ve used a porous toy, it’s yours forever.
Porous materials are listed below. Toys made from these materials are safe to use, but not to share:
- Wood ⚠️
- TPR/TPE ⚠️
- ABS plastic ⚠️
There are some materials, however, that are both non-toxic and non-porous. This means that, if you buy toys made from these materials, they’ll be safe for your body, safe to share (with appropriate cleaning in between uses), and should last a decent length of time.
- Pure silicone ✅
- Stainless steel ✅
- Borosilicate glass ✅
Get rid of melting toys
Some sex toys will melt or liquefy if they’re stored in close proximity to other toys. This happens because the various materials the toys are made from react to one another. Jelly toys, for example, will often melt if stored with other jelly toys.
Many people insist that toys should be stored separately (for example, in individual satin bags) to prevent them from melting. This is okay advice. Storing your toys in separate bags will stop them from melting.
On the other hand, toys that are made entirely from unadulterated bodysafe materials (like pure silicone) will never melt, and don’t need to be stored separately.
Thus, if a toy melts, it probably wasn’t entirely bodysafe in the first place, and you might be better off without it.
My advice is to buy toys that are advertised as being made of the safe materials listed above (silicone, steel, glass, wood, TPR/TPE, ABS plastic). If a toy melts, throw it out and don’t buy that brand again – you can take it as a sign that the toy wasn’t made of the advertised material.
Check the condition of your toys regularly
When you get a new toy, give it a quick once-over. If it’s cracked, has any signs of rust or staining, is oily or dirty, or has stained the packaging it came in… send it back straight away.
A retailer should be more than happy to accept a return on the basis of a toy being gross, unclean, or damaged. If they give you any hassle at all about returning a new purchase, avoid them in the future.
Take good care of your toys
Once you’ve put all that time and effort and money into acquiring a safe, fun, high-quality sex toy, you should protect your investment by cleaning and storing it properly. A decent sex toy, well cared for, should last you hundreds (if not thousands) of orgasms. Hopefully that’s something that makes it worth a little up-front investment.
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