Words. Aren’t they just magical? You make a noise with your mouth hole and a complex image or idea pops into my head. Or it doesn’t, if I don’t know what the word you’ve just said means. And when it comes to kink there are probably a lot of words you’ve never heard before.
Here, then, is my ever-expanding glossary of kinky terminology. It’s a work in progress, and given the sheer variety of the world it’ll likely never be complete… but if you can think of a term I’ve missed, please do get in touch and let me know.
Looking for the definition of a particular term? Search using CTRL+F or the menu at the top of your browser. Have fun!
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24/7: [See also TPE] A type of kinky relationship which is “always on”. Rather than playing out their dynamic only at certain times or in certain contexts, 24/7 couples live it constantly. This means that dominant partners make the majority of decisions on behalf of submissive ones.
A
ABDL: An acronym which stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lovers. Refers to a group of people who enjoy wearing nappies (diapers) for erotic or roleplay reasons.
Ageplay/Age Play: [See also DDLG] A type of play in which one person pretends to be a different age than they actually are, usually younger.
Asexual: Someone who has very little or no interest in sex and sexual activity. This does not preclude them from forming romantic connections.
B
Bad Pain: [See also GOOD PAIN] A way of referring to undesireable or accidentally-inflicted pain that does not provide any erotic pleasure, even to a MASOCHIST.
Bastinado: The fancy name for whipping or striking the soles of the feet. Often done with a cane or whip. Also just a generally fun word to say.
Big: [See also MOMMY/MUMMY, DADDY] A gender-neutral way of referring to a partner in an AGEPLAY/AGE PLAY relationship who takes on the parental role, or simply the role of the older partner.
Bondage: Any kind of play that involves restraints, or someone restraining someone else. There are many different kinds of bondage, ranging from rope bondage, to duct tape bondage, to HONOUR BONDAGE, where all that’s holding the restrained partner in place is their desire to obey.
Bottom: [See also TOP] A term for the partner in a pair who has things done to them, rather than does things to the other partner. A rope bottom, for example, is someone who prefers to be tied up rather than to do the tying.
Brat: A submissive partner or bottom who is deliberately difficult, sometimes because they enjoy being difficult, and sometimes in an effort to encourage further punishment.
Bull: A man who has sex with a woman in order to CUCKOLD her husband.
Butch: [See also FEMME] A term usually applied to a female human, which indicates that they exhibit many typically male characteristics.
C
CBT: An acronym which stands for Cock and Ball Torture. A catch-all term for play that involves inflicting pain or constraint on male genitals.
Chastity: This term literally means the state or practise of refraining from sexual activity. In kink contexts a dominant partner might place a submissive partner “in chastity”. This usually means that they are forbidden from having sex, orgasming, or masturbating. In some cases this ban may be enforced with a chastity belt or other device.
Collar: A collar is often given to a slave or submissive by their master or dominant as a symbol of ownership. There may be a collaring ceremony to mark the giving of the collar. The wearing of a collar in kink contexts may indicate that someone is “owned” or in a comitted relationship.
Compersion: A pleasurable, positive feeling derived from seeing a partner enjoy someone else’s company, play with someone else, or have sex with someone else. Often cited as an alternative or opposite to jealousy.
Consent: The agreement between two parties to engage in BDSM activities or sex. A person might be said to “give their consent” to certain acts. In any scene, establishing the consent of everyone involved is considered very important.
Cuckold: Someone (usually male) who gets off on watching their partner have sex with someone else, with an emphasis on their own exclusion, and often on the humiliation inherent therein.
Cuckqueen: A female human who enjoys watching their partner have sex with someone else, with an emphasis on their own exclusion, and often on the humiliation inherent therein.
D
Daddy: [See also MOMMY/MUMMY, BIG] Usage varies. May be used to refer to the dominant male partner in an AGEPLAY/AGE PLAY relationship, where the other partner is pretending to be younger than they are. May also be used just as a name for a dominant male partner, or to indicate a dominant male partner who plays in a SENSUAL or caring way.
DDLG: [See also AGEPLAY, MDLG] An acronym which stands for Daddy Dom Little Girl, and refers to a type of roleplay in which one person assumes the role of a BIG or DADDY, and the other takes on the role of a LITTLE.
Dungeon: A dedicated venue where kinky activities can take place. Some dungeons are private. Some are open to the public. Some are used to host events. Most will have some equipment or furniture available for visitors to play with.
E
Electro sex: [See also E-STIM] Play which involves using electricity to provide stimulation. Electrical stimulation can be pleasurable or painful depending on its intensity and how it’s applied.
E-Stim: [See also ELECTRO SEX] Devices which are used to provide electrical stimulation for play involving electricity are often referred to as E-STIM devices.
F
Face-Sitting: [See also QUEENING] The act of sitting atop a willing submissive’s face so that they can provide oral pleasure… while perhaps also enjoying the feeling of being slightly trapped of smothered.
Femme: [See also BUTCH] A term usually applied to a female human, which indicates that they exhibit many typically female characteristics.
Figging: Using ginger root to stimulate a person’s genitals or other sensitive areas. Ginger causes a burning sensation that may be either pleasurable or painful depending on the preferences of the person experiencing it. The most common variation on figging is the insertion of a carved ginger root into a person’s arse. Here’s more on figging.
Fireplay: Play involving fire. Somewhat risky. Might involve playing with flammable liquids on the skin. The goal of fireplay is usually to enjoy the sensation of flame against the skin, not to cause burns.
G
Gay: [See also LESBIAN] A person who is attracted to people of the same gender as them. A more colloquial word for homosexual. Usually applied to men.
Golden Shower: [See also PISS PLAY, WATERSPORTS] Another way of referring to the act of urinating on someone.
Good Pain: [See also BAD PAIN] A way of referring to pain that, for a MASOCHIST, is desireable, and provides some feelings of pleasure or satisfaction.
H
Hard Limit: [See also SOFT LIMIT] A kinky act or practise that someone is definitely not into. When something is a hard limit for someone, they definitively do not want to go near it, and are not open to having their mind changed. Detailed definition.
Honour Bondage: A type of BONDAGE in which no restraints are used. Instead the individual to be restrained is simply ordered to remain still or hold a certain position. This might be enforced with the threat of consequences, or might simply depend on the restrained individual’s desire to obey.
HuCow: [See also HUMAN COW] Short for “Human Cow”. A fetish which revolves around treating willing submissives like cows. Milking/lactation and breeding are the most common erotic elements of human cow play.
Human Cow: [See also HUCOW]. A fetish which revolves around treating willing submissives like cows. Milking/lactation and breeding are the most common erotic elements of human cow play.
I
Intersex: A human born with sexual organs that mean they cannot easily be categorised as either male or female. They may have both male and female sexual organs, or neither.
J
JOI: An acronym which stands for Jerk Off Instructions. Often used in audio porn to describe a recording wherein a dominant person guides the listener through a masturbation session. Jerk Off Instructions can, of course, also be delivered in person.
K
Keyholder: [See also CHASTITY] In a couple who are engaging in chastity-related play, the keyholder is the dominant partner, who will usually have control over the submissive partner’s ability or permission to orgasm, have sex, or masturbate. It a chastity device is being used, this may literally mean that they hold the key to it.
L
Lactation: The process of producing and expressing breast milk – something which is sometimes the focus of a fetish or erotic fixation.
Lesbian: [See also GAY] A person who is attracted to people of the same gender as them. A more colloquial word for homosexual. Usually applied to women.
Little: [See also BIG, MIDDLE] A partner in an AGEPLAY/AGE PLAY relationship who takes on a younger role, and may enjoy behaving like and being treated like a child.
M
MDLB: [See also AGEPLAY, DDLG] An acronym which stands for Mommy/Mummy Dom Little BOY, and refers to a type of roleplay in which one person assumes the role of a BIG or MOMMY, and the other takes on the role of a LITTLE.
Middle: [See also LITTLE, BIG] A partner in an AGEPLAY relationship who takes on a younger role. Middles often enjoy identifying as teens or adolescents rather than children, and may enjoy being treated as such.
Mindfuck: A general term for kinky activities that play with a person’s sense of reality, or which creates confusion or disorientation. A particularly confusing scene or experience might also be referred to as a MINDFUCK.
Mommy/Mummy: [See also DADDY, BIG] Usage varies. May be used to refer to the dominant female partner in an AGEPLAY/AGE PLAY relationship, where the other partner is pretending to be younger than they are. May also be used just as a name for a dominant female partner, or to indicate a dominant female partner who plays in a SENSUAL or caring way.
Munch: [See also PLAY PARTY] A regular meeting of kinky people for the purposes of social interaction. There are thousands of munches that take place around the world, usually on a monthly basis. Most of them revolve around social interaction rather than PLAY. Originally these took the form of a group of kinky people going for dinner together, which is where the name “munch” comes from.
N
Negotiation: A term for conversations that take place before PLAY, during which the people involved work out their limits, desires and what they will do when they play.
O
OTK: An acronym which stands for Over The Knee. Usually used to refer to the practise of spanking someone while they are bent over the knee of the person administering the spanking.
P
Piss Play: (See also WATERSPORTS, GOLDEN SHOWER) Play involving urine. This may be urinating on (or in) your partner, drinking piss, or ordering your partner to wet themselves.
Play: Exact definition varies, but is generally used to refer to sex, or other kinky activities. Some people use “play” to specifically refer to kinky activities that do not involve sex, like spanking or BONDAGE. Some people use “play” to refer to all kinky activities, including sex.
Play Party: A regular meeting of kinky people for the purposes of kinky play. Some parties are open to the public and some are private, and there are varying rules and permitted activities at each. Some might take place in a DUNGEON, while others might be on private property.
Polyamory: The practise of being in a loving relationship with more than one person at once. Sometimes this is with each partner being equal, sometimes with one partner being the PRIMARY, or most important, partner.
Primal: A broad term, used to refer to players or types of play that are somewhat animalistic or instinctual in nature. Typical primal activities might include sex outside, biting and scratching, and snarling animalistic orgies.
Primary: The most important or most long-standing partner of someone who has several partners. May be used as a noun, as in, “My primary is my priority”.
Protocol: Rules and procedures adhered to by people within a kink relationship. “High Protocol” is serious stuff, with rules to govern every little thing from body posture to mode of address. “Protocol” can, however, be as simple as asking permission before you come.
Q
Queening: (See also FACE-SITTING) The act of sitting atop a willing submissive’s face so that they can provide oral pleasure… while perhaps also enjoying the feeling of being slightly trapped of smothered.
R
Ravishment: A slightly baroque way of referring to play that involves elements of rough sex and elements of consensual nonconsent. Ravishment fantasies usually revolve around the submissive partner being forcibly taken or “ravished” by the dominant partner.
RACK: [See also SSC] An acronym which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. In contrast with SSC play (Safe, Sane, Consensual) this type of play includes dangerous activities where risks can only be mitigated and not altogether removed. It emphasises that everyone involved should be aware of the risks inherent in what they’re doing.
S
Sensation Play: Play that involves the use of different sensations. Sensation play might involve pressing or rubbing silk or other soft materials against the skin, or pressing hard, soft, smooth, or rough things against the skin.
Sensual: A general term used to refer to softer play that is focussed on sensation rather than pain. A sensual dominant might enjoy activities like tickling, light abrasion, and SENSATION PLAY rather than anything more painful.
Soft Limit: [See also HARD LIMIT] A kinky act or practise that someone thinks they might not like, but is willing to experiment with. Think of a soft limit as a “probably not”. Detailed definition.
Sploshing: Messy play that often involves food. Examples of sploshing might include rolling around in an inflatable pool full of custard, or slathering your lover in baked beans.
Squick: Used to indicate disgust or revulsion. An act or thing can be “squicky”, or can cause you to feel “squicked” or “squicked out”.
SSC: [See also RACK] An acronym which stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual. Used to refer to play activities that can, through sensible precautions, be made more or less entirely safe. This stands in contrast to RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink).
Straight: A person who is attracted to the opposite gender. Another, more common word for heterosexual.
T
Top: [See also BOTTOM] A term for the partner in a pair who does things to the other, rather than has things done to them. A rope top, for example, is someone who prefers to tie, rather than to be tied up.
TNG: An acronym which stands for The Next Generation. Nothing to do with Star Trek. Used in kink contexts to refer to younger people involved in the scene, usually including people aged from 18 to 35.
TPE: [See also 24/7] An acronym which stands for Total Power Exchange. This is a type of relationship in which a submissive partner gives up complete control over themselves to a dominant partner, allowing them to make decisions on their behalf even outside of the bedroom.
Twue: A pejorative term, used to mock people in kink contexts who insist that there is only one correct and proper way of doing the thing that they’re into. You might call someone a “twue dom” if they insist, for example, that the only real dominants are the ones who wear leather chaps.
U
Unicorn: A single, bisexual female who is willing to play with an established couple. The name is a joky reference to the fact that people who fit this description are so rare and difficult to find they on a par with a mythical creature.
V
Vanilla: A person who is not involved with the kink scene, or who is uninterested or turned off by most kinky activity may be referred to as vanilla. Non-kinky activities (such as ordinary sex) might also be referred to as vanilla. This term carries a slightly derogatory connotation, and implies that the person or activity referred to is bland or boring.
Vampire Gloves: Heavy duty gloves where one of more surface is covered in spikes, studs, or some other uncomfortable texture. Used for sensation play, and sometimes for particularly vicious spankings.
Voyeur: Someone who gets off on watching others do sexual things, without being directly involved themselves. Sometimes this involves an emphasis on the people being watched being unaware that they are observed.
W
Watersports: (See also PISS PLAY, GOLDEN SHOWER) Play involving urine. This may be urinating on (or in) your partner, drinking piss, or ordering your partner to wet themselves.
XYZ
Zipper: A number of clothespins linked together by a cord. These can be clipped in place on a willing victim’s skin… and then yanked off in rapid succession using the cord.
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