Barriers (such as condoms, dental dams and latex gloves) reduce the risk of passing on or contracting sexually transmitted infections by creating a physical barrier between bodies, or between sex toys and bodies. Using barriers is a way of making risky sexual activities significantly less risky.
This article contains detail on the different kinds of barriers you can use. It’s not a prescriptive list: nobody uses all of the barriers described below all the time. These are just the options that are available; it’s up to you and your partner(s) to decide when to use barriers and which barriers to use if so.
Assuming you do want to use barriers of some form or another for some activities, you’ll also find some guidelines below on how to use those barriers effectively.
Contents
Every different kind of barrier
Why use barriers?
To prevent pregnancy
Condoms prevent pregnancy. If you don’t want a child, using condoms is an effective way of ensuring that you don’t end up with one – and when paired with another form of contraception (such as the contraceptive pill or implant) they’re pretty close to being bulletproof.
To reduce STI transmission
Many (not all) condoms also reduce the likelihood of sexually transmitted infections being passed from one person to another. Again, this can be paired with other safe sex measures (like getting tested on a regular basis) to make STI transmission reassuringly unlikely.
Most people know and accept that putting a condom on a penis = safer sex. But other barriers (such as gloves and dental dams) also help to reduce risk. It’s important to remember that, although most sexually transmitted infections affect the genitals, the rest of your body isn’t immune to infection.
To smooth out rough edges
Some people find sex with barriers more pleasant than sex without – gloves, for example, offer a little bit of protection from fingernails, calluses, and other sharp or rough textures found on the naked hand.
Equally, though, the protection they offer is limited. A much better option is to simply get rid of the roughness by (for example) filing down nails and clipping off hangnails before you play.
To keep things clean and pleasant
Often, people use barriers not just for safety reasons, but because they find using barriers more enjoyable. For example they might:
- Enjoy giving blowjobs, but not want come in their mouth
- Want to rim their lover’s arse, but feel more comfortable with a barrier
- Have a sensitive dick, and want to avoid skin irritation
To protect injuries
Wearing barriers is particularly important if you have a cut, graze, or other minor injury on a part of your body that’s going to come into contact with your partner. Wounds on your hand are the most common issue. Glove up, and you won’t get come in that papercut.
Using barriers correctly
Barriers need to be used correctly in order to be effective. This means…
Applying the barrier at the right time
The right time to apply a barrier is before there’s been any contact. In the case of a condom, that means before penetration occurs, not just before you come. In the case of gloves, that means before you touch your partner’s genitals. If you masturbate your partner and then strap on a glove to finger them, you might have missed the point somewhat.
Changing barriers when necessary
Barriers should be changed whenever you change orifice, whenever you touch someone new, or whenever they get gross.
| New orifice | Change gloves when moving from fingering your partner’s arse to touching their cunt. Change condoms when moving from receiving oral to penetrative sex. |
| New partner | Change gloves between fingering two partners in a threesome. Change dams between receiving oral from two partners in a threesome. |
| Grossness | Change your glove after fingering your partner’s arse so that you don’t touch things with a messy glove. |
Using barriers that are in good condition
Barriers are sensitive little pieces of matter, and can easily degrade to the point where they aren’t very useful. Every so often, then, you should go through your collection and chuck out any that:
- Are past their expiry date
- Have been folded or squashed
- Have been exposed to excessive heat or cold
Using barriers with toys
In kink contexts, people often use condoms or other barriers to cover toys (specifically, insertable or genital toys like dildos and vibrators – good luck getting a condom on a flogger). This is a good idea in these scenarios:
- You’re not 100% sure what the toy is made of. Maybe it’s bodysafe silicone… but you aren’t absolutely certain.
- The toy has been (or is going to be) used by someone other than you at some point.
Of course, you could also respond to the above scenarios by buying toys that you are 100% confident are safe, or by ensuring that everyone has and sticks to their own toys. Using a condom instead isn’t a perfect solution, but it helps.
Disposing of used barriers
Don’t, please, put your used barriers down the toilet. Your plumbing deals with enough trauma already. Instead, dispose of barriers by wrapping them up in a neat little parcel of toilet paper and putting them in the bin. Tie a knot in used condoms first to prevent spunky leakage.
Every different kind of barrier
Condom
A latex tube designed to fit snugly over a dick or a dildo. Can also be used to cover any even-remotely-phallic toy. Condoms are cheap, readily available, and should be familiar to almost everyone.
Not all condoms protect against sexually transmitted infections. Some only protect against pregnancy. Consult the packaging of your condom to see what it’s good for.
There are many condom variants, including:
| Thin | Made with slightly thinner latex – these are less sturdy than regular condoms, but offer more sensation. |
| Thick | Also known as “Extra Safe”. Made with slightly thicker latex, and intended for anal sex… or for regular sex if you worry about the integrity of ordinary condoms. |
| Snug | These are regular condoms, but a wee bit smaller, and thus a better fit if you have a smaller dick. |
| Large | These are regular condoms, but a wee bit larger, so that they won’t be as tight if you have a big dick. |
| Warming | Condoms with a lubricant that produces a warming sensation on contact. Generally pleasant, but may be a bit much for some people depending on the method of warming used. |
| Cooling | Condoms with a lubricant that produces a cooling sensation on contact. Generally pleasant, but may also be a bit much for some people depending on the method of cooling used. |
| Delay | The interior of these condoms is coated with a numbing agent, ostensibly to make you last longer in bed. Works for some people – others find the sensation unpleasant. |
| Flavoured | Condoms with flavoured lubricant. These are mainly intended for making oral sex more pleasant. If you’ve not tried flavoured condoms before, pick up a selection box and experiment to find your preferred flavour. |
| Non-latex | Condoms made from materials that are not latex – be that animal intestine or plastic. Intended for people whose allergies, diets, or beliefs preclude the use of latex condoms. |
| Textured | Condoms with ribs, dots, or other built-in textures on the surface. Designed to provide added stimulation. |
| Lubricated | Most condoms come with a small amount of lube included. Lubricated condoms just have extra lube. |
Dental dam
A dental dam is a flat sheet of latex (or, sometimes, another material) which can be used to cover whatever part of your partner you want to touch, lick, or rub. Dental dams can be used to create a barrier between the mouth and the genitals, or between the genitals.
Depending on what you’re using a dam for, a little bit of lube and the dam’s natural cling might be enough to hold it in place. If it’s not, you or your partner will have to hold it in place.
Dental dams are notoriously difficult to find and expensive to buy. You may wish to make your own out of a condom by:
- Opening and fully unrolling the condom
- Snipping off both ends (the tip and the ring at the bottom
- Cut straight along one side of the resultant tube
- Unroll into a neat square of latex, ready for use
Female condom
Female condoms are inserted into the vagina before sex, in contrast with male condoms which are rolled onto the penis.
Female condoms are… tricky. They can work, but they require practise, patience, and careful handling. Because of how fiddly they are, they might not be a good solution for many people… but they do have some advantages over male condoms.
Finger cots
Finger cots are basically tiny little gloves for your individual fingers. They’re not super common, and few people own them. Gloves are much more versatile and easy to use, and do all the same things while also offering better protection.
Still, if you want to experiment with finger cots, go wild. They’re excellent for medical play.
Gloves
You already know what gloves are. For barrier purposes, you want the latex kind (or the non-latex kind if there’s a latex allergy in the mix). Gloves are basically pretty easy to use, but can be hard to put on if your hands are sweaty or otherwise wet. Keep a towel on hand to dry your fingers before application.
Learning to like barriers
A lot of people don’t like condoms and other barriers. I can sympathise with these people. Like many people I recognise that condoms are dams and gloves are a relatively crude solution to the problem of remaining safe and healthy while fucking around. They’re uncomfortable and inconvenient. They reduce intimacy. They smell funny.
And yet I still use them. And, moreover, I’ve trained myself to like them.
The simple fact is that barriers make risky sexual acts (like fucking a stranger) much safer. Whatever their faults and flaws, condoms are hugely liberating, and a wonderful piece of technology for sluts like you or me.
If you are able to look at barriers not as a mere inconvenience, but as something innovative and freeing, you’re likely to feel a lot better about using them. Conversely, the more you entertain the idea that barriers are intolerably unpleasant, the more intolerably unpleasant they’ll become.
Here are some ways of thinking about barriers that may make them more enjoyable to you:
- “Because of barriers, I’m able to have more and filthier sex than I would otherwise.”
- “I won’t have to worry about having performed this sex act afterwards.”
- “Unwrapping, placing and lubing up a barrier is a part of sex, not an interruption.”
And, on top of that, here are some practical things you can do to make barriers feel less onerous, and more enjoyable:
Get good at putting them on
This means practising. You can practise on your own. Buy yourself a hundred-pack of your barrier-of-choice, crack out some lube and practise putting on condoms, or working with dams until you are used to the way they behave.
Find barriers that work for you
In the case of condoms, this means condoms that fit comfortably – neither too tight nor too loose. With other barriers, fit is less of an issue, but you should still experiment to find a brand that smells and feels good for you, has just the right amount of lube, etc.
Have barriers available
Keep them within reach of your bed – in a little box if you’re shy about having them on show on your nightstand. If you have to break off what you’re doing and go ferreting in a drawer to find a barrier when things get hot and heavy, you’re going to resent using them significantly more.
Use lubricant
Barriers are designed to be used with lube. The lube that many barriers come with is minimal, and isn’t sufficient for a really good time. Add lube (you can put a drop inside condoms, or on your skin before using a dam) and you’ll increase sensitivity significantly.
Buy in bulk of find a supply
Barriers can be expensive if you use them for every sexual encounter. They’re doubly expensive if you buy them in small quantities as and when needed – you pay a premium for the convenience. Once you’ve found a brand that works for you, order in bulk.
Some towns and cities will have free contraception schemes. If there’s one local to you, use it. These schemes are often criminally underutilised, and so are the first thing to get cut when budgets run short. By making use of free contraception services you are proving that there’s a need for them, and helping them to carry on existing. And you’re getting free rubbers. Win win.
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